by: A local community member and survivor of domestic violence (wishes to remain anonymous)
The Lie: Your own husband can’t rape you. The Truth: Unfortunately he absolutely can.
I left my husband on my own accord, to save my children. It took me four months after leaving to realize and come to terms with the truth: that I was a victim of domestic violence. It took me another year to admit that I was also a rape victim. No one wants to be seen as a victim and no one wants to admit it either. But for me, admitting it has power, gives me power, helps me heal, and maybe can help you as well.
The first time I can clearly remember rape happening was shortly after the birth of our first child. If it happened before this, I can’t remember. But about a year and a half into our marriage, I gave birth to our son. After an episiotomy and subsequent sutures, I was instructed to not have sexual intercourse for 6 weeks, to allow for complete and proper healing. I think this abstinence lasted about 3 weeks. And then my husband decided that was long enough.
Towards the end of our relationship, I did start saying no firmly. I remember saying something to the effect of “you are basically raping me right now” to him once. But it didn’t matter, it didn’t even slow him down. I guess he knew that, and probably liked it. Bottom line was yes, I was raped by my husband, repeatedly. I hope this never happened to you, and that you can’t identify with my story at all. But if you can, the trouble is, I can’t tell you how my story ends.
But, what I do know is that I am priceless. That I am worth waiting for. That my life is precious, and I am precious. That I am a princess, and I don’t just have to imagine that I am one. I know that my body is my own. I know that I will never let anyone take that away from me again. I know that I am strong and powerful, that my choices matter, and that my choices are my own.
I left my abusive husband on my own, by my own accord. But I am recovered, and strong, and whole, today because of Safe Harbor. I needed help, I needed a partner, I needed a sounding board, and Safe Harbor gave me all of that. The tools I learned for coping, healing, and moving forward into freedom were priceless. Safe Harbor gave me a gift, that gift is the life I have in front of me, and I can never repay them for that.
Domestic abuse isn’t just about physical violence; it is about power and control and can be very complex and confusing for those living within its walls. When you are walking on eggshells in an abusive relationship, you naturally find ways to cope and survive.
Safe Harbor’s Defy the Lie campaign elevates the voices of courageous survivors in our community who share words of hope and encouragement to others who may be experiencing abuse in a relationship. Click here to explore stories and/or share your own.
Safe Harbor is a non-profit organization providing safe shelter, counseling, advocacy, and support services for victims of domestic violence and their children, and domestic violence prevention and education throughout Greenville, Anderson, Oconee and Pickens Counties. For more information on available services or volunteer opportunities, visit Safe Harbor at www.safeharborsc.org or call our 24/7 hot line – 1-800-291-2139.
