Healthy love > tough love

Healthy Love
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We’re taking a break from GVL developments, brewery openings + best brunch spots, to talk about love. 💕

As we all know, love can be pretty tough, and it can be even tougher to understand it from an outside perspective – especially when abuse is suspected.

Think it could never happen to you (or someone you care about)? Think of four women you love deeply. See how smart, driven and kind they are? One in four of them will be a victim of severe violence by an intimate partner. For men, 1 in 7.

Myth: Only the uneducated, unmotivated + weak get into abusive relationships.

Truth: You know the phrase ‘love is blind’? Yeah, we all fall in love. We’re human, and therefore, we’re all susceptible + capable of falling into an abusive relationship without even realizing it.

Here are some questions to consider:

Does your partner make you feel guilty after going out with your friends instead of staying home?

Do you ever see the way your friend’s partner embarrasses your friend in front of others with put downs or “joking insults”?

Do you hate the way your best friend’s partner denies affection + controls their money?

All of these are signs of abuse, but it’s also important to ask: “is this a mistake or is this a pattern?”

We all make mistakes + say stupid things we don’t mean, but those who practice healthy love will realize their mistakes, apologize + correct them, not deny them.

Here are some resources to keep in mind:

The National Domestic Violence Hotline is available 24/7/365 via phone. They also offer online chat from 7 a.m. – 2 a.m.

Safe Harbor GVL: Call 1.800.291.2139 (option 1) at anytime 24/7

Just need someone to talk to? Lori Rose with The Rose Model is a great listener + can help with personal healing and getting life back on track.

Types + signs of abuse:

💔 Verbal: Belittles, insults, mocks, threats of physical harm to anyone (you, family, pets, friends, etc.).

💔 Emotional: Cheats, manipulation, intimidation, intercepts calls, threats.

💔 Financial + Legal: Withholds money, refuses to have your name on accounts, prevents knowledge of the family’s finances, calls police if you fight back, obtains a protective order first.

💔 Physical: Shoving, kicking, restraining, threats or use of weapons, punching, blocks your exit.

💔 Sexual: Forces unwanted sex + touching, sexual assault, use of words meant to sexually demean.

💔 Religious: Cites scripture to justify abuse, forces their partner to violate their religious beliefs, humiliates partner in church to isolate them from support

💡 If anything above ignites a light bulb in your brain + you recognize it from your friend’s relationship, here’s what you can do: try not to give unsolicited advice. Approaching someone who may be stuck in a verbally + emotionally abusive relationship is difficult (remember, they are likely in love with their perpetrator and will defend them/pull away from you). Instead, respond to a lack of healthy love by using your own love.

  • Give them a platform in which to speak openly
  • Create a “judgement-free zone”
  • Approach them with an observation: “hey girl, I noticed you’ve ditched our Taco Tuesdays 🍹 to hang out with Dan, and it’s happened every week for 5 weeks. I’m feeling pretty distant from you and it makes me super duper sad. Is everything okay with you two?
  • If the pattern continues, seek outside help. If you’re not sure what to do, or you’re wondering what is really “wrong” or how to approach a situation, visit this link to online chat with a pro.

If you or anyone you know is in physical danger, don’t waste time. 911 is your only option.